Friday, February 11, 2011

I Swear I'm Not Guilty (ok maybe a little!)

Good morning everyone.  I'm sitting here with my morning coffee in front of my therapeutic light.  It's brand new out of the box.  I just received it the other day from Sears (it was on sale!).  My goodness is it ever BRIGHT.  I feel silly sitting here in front of it.  I feel as though I'm being interrogated.  Maybe I am in a way.  It feels as though the light can see through me.  The light is seeping through my skin down into my being searching for the reasons for it.  What made me buy it?  Well the obvious answer is the darkness here, but really, at this point, I'm sure we get as much daylight as all of you in the South (and very soon we will get far more!) or at least we are close!  The other reasonable reasons are my once in a while irritability and anxiety.  The one reason I like to hide but I will share with you is my emotional eating.  I hate it and I want to try to deal with it instead of sweeping it under the rug AGAIN.  It seems worse in the wintertime and definitely worse when I'm dealing with emotional stress like a certain big move perhaps or having to make new friends.  Sometimes the triggers are obvious as I just mentioned but sometimes they are not.  Sometimes I simply find myself eating mindlessly and sabotaging by weight loss efforts for reasons I guess I don't take the time to figure out.  My lifelong goal has always been to wear a bikini (wow we are going deep this morning - what is this light doing to me?).  Not that I would ever wear one NOW after having 3 boys and tons of stretch marks, flabby skin and varicose veins to boot, but I would like that to be a decision that I MAKE and not determined by my body.  So here I am.  I'm sitting in front of this light to see if it may help with the emotional stuff enough so that I can learn to deal with dealing with it.  Ha!  I just re-read that sentence and I'm not sure if it makes any sense, but I wouldn't really know how else to put it.  My time is almost up and I need to blog about last night.  Thanks for listening.

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